Chemo in the rainforest

The chemo cycle continues.  Trying to live life deliberately and "normally" in the context of the abrupt leaving the practice, selling the house,  moving far from 2 of my kids, changing from doctor to patient role, ... it's been kinda weird.

But so much support from other people!!  visiting and emailingt and facebooking and praying... THANK YOU!

So to add some normalcy, I made the traditional cookies for the kids and my brother and mailed them off.  Strange even having to make friends with a new oven - cookies can be persnickety.  

Anyway, after my daughter A visited and sampled them, I felt like Martha Stewart, but without a rap sheet.  

Cognitive issues remain frustrating, but my doc here is interested in a research proposal I wrote up. To get neurocognitive measures throughout the chemo cycles, then see what the effects of interventions such as continuing oral calcium.  An IV bolus is given just before the oxalliplatin to minimize peripheral neuropathy, but there does not seem to be anything in the literature about the cognitive effects of the chemotherapeutic agents for gastrointestinal cancers.

Anyway, I am doing a computer based test battery on myself every few days, and also doing a new york times  sunday puzzle each morining - limit 45 minutes, no using the internet, oh, and a daily sudoku - timed.  All I need is to add Tetris to get a measure of visuospacial effects.

Health and healing

Sorry about not posting in so long.   Some side effects from chemo,  and some laziness, and mostly missing A and D  (not the ointment, the kids.)

I have started doing yoga.  Great teacher, 3 days a week at the gym.  It is so different from my previous approach to exercising - you know, attack the activity, pummel your body, it has got to hurt to build strength.  This yoga stuff is slow and controlled.   I kept waiting for the "real" exercise to begin.  But it IS a workout.

So as I was leaving the gym today, I realized that my long term relationship with my own body has been pretty cold.  Maybe abusive.  Ignoring needs like sleep.  Stuffing down lots of sodas and other caffeine to stay awake. Then stuffing myself with way too much junk food to stuff down any feelings that might try to slip out.  Trying to be invisible to myself.  Be a human doing, not a human being. 

Since I got sick in September, I have been changing this. With some tremendous help from my sister C, get this - I am eating healthy, and sleeping at night, resting when I am tired, trying to respect my body as a gift from God, rather than a shameful burden.

Consequently, now while getting chemo, this is the best I have felt in years. 

2/3 of the family is together!!!

It has been so sweet to have A and D here.  all we need are E and L  with us.  God willing, that will be at Christmas.  A and d are at the store right - so i have a few minutes to type.

Wait - I can make some FLAs of the kids (four leter acronyms) -  LEAD or DALE or DEAL or...

So it's  day two of second cycle of chemo. 
The acute neurotoxicity is worse this time around - sharp needle like pains in fingers and toes with and cold or with touch, and who knows what it is doing to my mental status.  So typing is an electrifying experience today. 

So back to the story of how I got here, part 2:

So with a week's notice from diagnosis of colon cancer to diagnosis of uterine cancer to a colon resection last year, with seeing patients during that week, wrapping up loose ends at work,  helping my family and friends deal with whatever may come, I could safely be in denial myself.

And family and friends WERE so there for me.  I will never forget the may kind acts from you all during that time.  Like S and K at the office jumping in above and beyond the call of duty,  keeping things going office wise - they were great to me and kind and professional with my patients.

In the hospital my niece came in during an abdominal dressing change.  She saw the incision - an upside down question mark, the bottome looped arund my belly button. around my belly button. She said "a question mark - she's the Mysterious  Doctor!  No, it is upside down - La Doctora Mysteriosa!"

4 weeks later I was able to go back to full time work, and grateful  for this.  But then 2 weeks later, a robotic radical hystrectomy.  Then back to work after 2 weeks.  In both cases -  all the lymph nodes were negative -over 30 of 'em total. And no evidence of metastasis.  So losing weight and exercising had a better prognosis for preventing recurrence than chemo or radiation.


Oh, the kids are back - and i don't want to miss any any time with them.  Bye.

Round 2 of Chemo

Back at the 7th floor -  great view from the chemo unit -  the view is nice, the clinical staff are friendly and professional yet relaxed. 

The first week after chemo was not too bad, and this past week was wonderful -  brilliant fall colors, and actual blue sky most days, perfect biking weather.  And the most very wonderful thing is that my daughter A and my soninlaw D are visiting.  I don't know the etiquette related to using their full names in a blog, but most of you know them already, and know that they are wonderful. 

So 2 weeks ago, after the first chemo, we went to the library.  I asked the woman at the desk if they had "Newcomer's guide to Portland" - she checked the computer, then said "No, but we do have "Newcomer's Guide to the Afterlife.""   Bruce pointed to the chemo pump at my side and said "this is her first day of chemo."    Silence.  Then stammering.  So I told her about the blonde who came into the library..."

too beautiful today to whine

I should continue the history of how I got here, but it is just too hauntingly beautiful today -  cool -  60-70 degrees (that's Fahrenheit, Lisa), foggy, the colors of the leaves are like somebody over brightened  the technicolor...    perfect!   Toto, we're not in Chandler any more...

Today's medical status - day 11 of the 14 day chemo cycle. 

OK, so the treatment plan is this.  3 or 4  14-day cycles of 3 days infusion, followed by 11 days of allowing the chemo to do its thing.  Then if the liver lesion shrinks, i get surgery to remove it totally, then 3-4 more cycles...

Chemo, at least for me currently, is really not as bad as it used to be.  In the olden days, you know, like the 1980's, when I was a med student and resident, it was hellish.  Days of painful iv infiltrations and destroyed veins,  nausea, becoming a human barf-atron, horrible gut pain, profound fatigue.   Thanks to Emend (great name, you know, like emesis-end)  and ativan and Oxycodone and dexamethsone, etc, and the invention of an implanted port in my chest wall that leads to my superior vena cava - none of these problems.  And I have been exercising daily.  Doc told me to.

The main thing I have experienced are some mood issues from the dexamethasone those first days.  luckily I never have had mood problems before.   Oh, and ...what is it.... uh...cognitive issues.    Word finding difficulty, unable to stay on a task to save my, oh look out the window!   no longer the paragon of multitasking.

Changed colors of the blog page - the black was meant to be sophisticated, but it looked too depressing, too "she looks so life-like" kinda thing.   

The main feeling I have is one of grace, of feeling very loved and protected.  By God, by family, by friends.  It is so so nice.