Thursday, April 25, 2019
Beans and Rice a la Bruce
Ingredients:
3 or so cups of dried black beans
brown rice
grated cheddar cheese
frozen peas - he loves them
Pace Picante sauce
diced sweet onion
The night before you want to eat them, use uncooked black beans - not the canned stuff - about 3 cups.
Sort out any stones or other stuff in the beans. In the cooking pot, cover them with lost of water, mix them around, then drain the water. then add a bunch of clean water and soak overnight. This is important to get the lectins out.
The next day, cook in an instant pot (which is the best way to get rid of the lectins) or in a crock pot, or on the stove.
Mix up add all the ingredients in the bowl that Lisa made in high school
Eat while reading a science fiction novel.
Pie Crust
Rather than trying to gild the lily, i suggest this recipe. It's got lots of info on the whys and hows, and it is easier and better than so many recipes that I have tried.
http://www.seriouseats.com/recipes/2016/06/print/old-fashioned-flaky-pie-dough-recipe.html
Can She Bake a Cherry Pie, Billie Boy, Billie Boy?
Cherry Pie for Brucie
Adapted from: Serious Eats
1. Prepare crust: see the crust recipe blog post.
2. Prepare Filling
28 ounces pitted cherries (5 heaping cups; 790g), from about 2 pounds whole fruit (6 heaping cups; 910g) from our backyard tree.
3. Make a top crust appropriate for the occasion - his favorite is the squid with the blueberry eyes.
5. Chill for at least 30 minutes
Adapted from: Serious Eats
http://www.seriouseats.com/recipes/2016/06/print/fresh-cherry-pie-filling-recipe.html and
1. Prepare crust: see the crust recipe blog post.
2. Prepare Filling
28 ounces pitted cherries (5 heaping cups; 790g), from about 2 pounds whole fruit (6 heaping cups; 910g) from our backyard tree.
1 ounce fresh lemon juice (2 tablespoons; 30g) from 1 small lemon
7 ounces sugar (1 cup; 195g) needs to be a 1:4 ratio with the cherries
3/8 teaspoon salt
1 1/2 ounces tapioca starch (1/3 cup plus 1 teaspoon; 40g). It needs to mention cassava by name on the packaging - some sourced from Asia are made from other plants.
4. Egg Wash (optional):
1 large egg
1 large egg yolk
1/2 ounce heavy cream (1 tablespoon; 15g)
1/8 teaspoon salt
5. Chill for at least 30 minutes
6. Place chilled pie inn center of oven, on a parchment lined rimmed baking sheet.
Bake until crust is golden, about 1 hour, then put an empty baking sheet placed on the top-most rack of the oven to serve as a shield. Continue baking until filling is bubbling even in the very center of the pie, about 15 minutes more. The time can vary considerably depending on the thickness and type of pie plate, the amount of top crust, how long the pie was refrigerated, etc.
Broccoli Tofu Pie
Recipes
Mama's Broccoli Tofu Pie
ingredients:
pie crust - optional - I think is tastier and healthier without with a crust, but go with what you like
10 oz of frozen, or preferably, about 2 medium fresh broccoli crowns
+/- 1 smallish onion - I heartily vote for the onion
1 container of firm or extra firm tofu
6-7 eggs
salt
+/- a little nutmeg
freshly ground black pepper (if you have a grinder) or just regular if you don't
minced clove or 2 of garlic
spices are free form - whatever sounds good - i love a lot of Italian style spices
cheddar cheese, grated
romano or parmesean, freshly grated if you have a grater (blessed are the cheese graters)
paprika or edible red paint
- prepare crust and bake - need a recipe for this?
- drain tofu, then smoosh it with your hands (or use a utensil if you believe in the germ theory)
- dice and then steam broccoli to al dente
- if you use an onion, sauté until translucent
- break up the tofu
- add the eggs and beat a lot. (Or if no mixer, beat the living daylight out of it by hand) *note: in my latest iteration I have stopped using the mixer. I think it tastes and looks more appealing if it is not homogenized.
- add steamed broccoli and onion
- taste mixture and season to taste. (the mistake that i have made most commonly is having it be too bland)
- add more cheese than you think that you should add
- mix it up and put it in a fluted 10 inch ceramic dish that you got as a wedding gift - unless you are not married yet. ;-)
- put grated cheese on top- maybe a first layer of cheddar followed by a layer of the romono or parmesan
- make a happy face with the paprika. It will be harder for you because Chase wears glasses, but well worth the effort.
- bake 50-60 minutes at 350 degrees. I forgot to turn the timer on the last time i made this. it was without a crust, and baked at least 60 minutes. Eli and Bruce said that it was the best broccoli tofu pie EVAR.
- Take out of oven. (I couldn't tolerate an unlucky # of steps)
Saturday, May 28, 2011
100 % survival at 2 years from diagnosis... as of May 18th
Hello, dear readers:
Thanks for your patience. It's been over a month since the last blog.
Today, a milestone has been reached - 2 years since the original cancer diagnosis, and almost 8 months since the liver metastasis diagnosis. And I still get to be here, able to hike (3+miles today) and bike and go to yoga and do nice things for B and the kids, and.... Happy dance!! Celebrate!! Delight!!
It would have been fine if God had already taken me home ("To be absent in the body is to be present in the Lord".) AND YET, I am totally grateful to have had these 2 years on earth. 2 years to "walk by faith, not by sight, " To ride my mountain bike and hike and do yoga, enjoy the amazing crazy beautiful spring flowers and birds here - well, at least hypomanic beautiful. I got to be here for my son E, for his senior year of high school and first year of college. Now I get to relate to him adult to adult, and just enjoy his sense of humor, his caring heart, his singing, his continuing growth as a human. And to get to visit daughter L in Berlin, meet her friends and housemates there, see her growth as she finishes her master's degree, to pray for her, to enjoy great Skype conversations - turns out we get to talk a lot more, now that I am not working 800 hours per week. And daughter A, well, getting to spend time with her by phone and in person, enjoying her kindness, her quick wit, her amazing loyalty and love, her persistence in going to college while also working a very stressful nursing job at a prison....
And being able to live up here in Portland with B, after a year apart due to his job transfer and my need to continue to have health insurance. I stopped taking for granted being able to have him next to me at night. Even little things like doing dishes and folding laundry are no longer chores but rather opportunities to be kind to him.
Not to mention getting to bask in the love and support of my extended family and friends and former patients. So many calls, letters, emails, gifts, kind thoughts, prayers! It is humbling to be on the receiving side of such grace and caring and concern.
The final scheduled chemo cycle is June 15-29. No word yet on what happens after that, treatment-wise.
Every way I have come up with to say thank you to you all just doesn't express the depth of gratefulness I feel for you.
Thanks for your patience. It's been over a month since the last blog.
Today, a milestone has been reached - 2 years since the original cancer diagnosis, and almost 8 months since the liver metastasis diagnosis. And I still get to be here, able to hike (3+miles today) and bike and go to yoga and do nice things for B and the kids, and.... Happy dance!! Celebrate!! Delight!!
It would have been fine if God had already taken me home ("To be absent in the body is to be present in the Lord".) AND YET, I am totally grateful to have had these 2 years on earth. 2 years to "walk by faith, not by sight, " To ride my mountain bike and hike and do yoga, enjoy the amazing crazy beautiful spring flowers and birds here - well, at least hypomanic beautiful. I got to be here for my son E, for his senior year of high school and first year of college. Now I get to relate to him adult to adult, and just enjoy his sense of humor, his caring heart, his singing, his continuing growth as a human. And to get to visit daughter L in Berlin, meet her friends and housemates there, see her growth as she finishes her master's degree, to pray for her, to enjoy great Skype conversations - turns out we get to talk a lot more, now that I am not working 800 hours per week. And daughter A, well, getting to spend time with her by phone and in person, enjoying her kindness, her quick wit, her amazing loyalty and love, her persistence in going to college while also working a very stressful nursing job at a prison....
And being able to live up here in Portland with B, after a year apart due to his job transfer and my need to continue to have health insurance. I stopped taking for granted being able to have him next to me at night. Even little things like doing dishes and folding laundry are no longer chores but rather opportunities to be kind to him.
Not to mention getting to bask in the love and support of my extended family and friends and former patients. So many calls, letters, emails, gifts, kind thoughts, prayers! It is humbling to be on the receiving side of such grace and caring and concern.
The final scheduled chemo cycle is June 15-29. No word yet on what happens after that, treatment-wise.
Every way I have come up with to say thank you to you all just doesn't express the depth of gratefulness I feel for you.
L's Birthday! I thought I posted this in April! sorry about the delay
Happy mid-April!
Deepest La Nina in known history, I have heard. So we are still having high temps in the low 50's, and a lot of blossoms are delayed. This morning, there was sunshine for maybe 2-3 hours. Making the best use of it, I lay on the floor in a sunbeam. B asked if I was ok - so I purred.
Week 3 of 2nd 12 week chemo cycle. Harder this time side effect-wise. Maybe that 40% of liver was metabolizing things better last time. But overall, so so much easier than so many people! My memory, especially verbal and visuospatial, are sinking back into the pit again. and oh, attention... I can tell by the scores on the weekly cognitive testing that I cannot work now.
The hardest part for me that I have not really been contributing to other people much. I had really felt that my Arizona practice was helpful to others. I love how so many people with psychiatric issues get better and have major improvement in their lives if we can just get them treated. But how much was for the patients, how much was for me to feel better about myself or looking good, and how much was really serving God by helping others? Even our best attempts at doing good are not purely motivated. Grateful that I do not have to earn God's love and grace. Astonished that He would love me, despite myself.
The weather is so big and so rapidly changing. today on a 3 mile walk, it was sunny and bright, then by the turnaround point we were in dark gray clouds, then hailed and rained upon for the last mile. Just as I got got dried off, it became, you guessed it, sunny again. But we have been spared of the horrible tornados in the southeast that were the result of the atypical Spring - I grieve for the people who have lost family, and homes, and health...
My middle child, L, turned 24 today - how is it possible for time to go so fast? I just got a postcard from the Cliffs of Despair (think Princess Bride) from when she was in Ireland and Wales and England this last week. Apparently she had so much fun that she has not slept in 2 days. Should be interesting when she gets back to the lab in Berlin tomorrow. I cannot describe how wonderful it is to have her be so happy and doing good work and loving life and being adventurous. Life as a mommie doesn't get much sweeter than that.
My older daughter, A, is in the trenches currently, so life is not so easy for her - working too many hours at a prison. She is somehow giving excellent care in a crazy setting, and keeping good boundaries in the land of "what's a boundary?" Oh, and her schedule with college is all goofy, due to a local AZ hospital chain that used to rhyme with Bavaritan having suddenly cancelled or changed clinical rotations for more than one mursing program in the valley. Everyone is unsure if they will be able to progress and graduate on time. And her program has been doubling up on weekly classes, just to add even more stress. But she perseveres. An amazing woman.
My son, E. Well, he is having a great time in Flagstaff. Lots of good friends. He has not been, uh, burdened with the internal drive to get good grades and all right now. But the man is 19. Better to figure out who one really than to do work that you hate. Plus, he is not having to support anybody but himself now. I do get to see him next week for a visit up to the great northwest. I am so psyched!
And my son-in-law's band stayed with us last weekend - had a tour that led them through Portland. I had not heard them in 6 months. They were really well recieved here, and they earned it. It is wild how their musicianship, both individually and as a group, continues to grow. Usually bands either don't stay together long enpough to gel, or they stop growing musically, or both. I am darn proud of those guys. And so glad that got rid of their first drummer (me).
grape hyacinth - intense!
Daffodils getting bored of a lecture.
Deepest La Nina in known history, I have heard. So we are still having high temps in the low 50's, and a lot of blossoms are delayed. This morning, there was sunshine for maybe 2-3 hours. Making the best use of it, I lay on the floor in a sunbeam. B asked if I was ok - so I purred.
Week 3 of 2nd 12 week chemo cycle. Harder this time side effect-wise. Maybe that 40% of liver was metabolizing things better last time. But overall, so so much easier than so many people! My memory, especially verbal and visuospatial, are sinking back into the pit again. and oh, attention... I can tell by the scores on the weekly cognitive testing that I cannot work now.
The hardest part for me that I have not really been contributing to other people much. I had really felt that my Arizona practice was helpful to others. I love how so many people with psychiatric issues get better and have major improvement in their lives if we can just get them treated. But how much was for the patients, how much was for me to feel better about myself or looking good, and how much was really serving God by helping others? Even our best attempts at doing good are not purely motivated. Grateful that I do not have to earn God's love and grace. Astonished that He would love me, despite myself.
The weather is so big and so rapidly changing. today on a 3 mile walk, it was sunny and bright, then by the turnaround point we were in dark gray clouds, then hailed and rained upon for the last mile. Just as I got got dried off, it became, you guessed it, sunny again. But we have been spared of the horrible tornados in the southeast that were the result of the atypical Spring - I grieve for the people who have lost family, and homes, and health...
My middle child, L, turned 24 today - how is it possible for time to go so fast? I just got a postcard from the Cliffs of Despair (think Princess Bride) from when she was in Ireland and Wales and England this last week. Apparently she had so much fun that she has not slept in 2 days. Should be interesting when she gets back to the lab in Berlin tomorrow. I cannot describe how wonderful it is to have her be so happy and doing good work and loving life and being adventurous. Life as a mommie doesn't get much sweeter than that.
My older daughter, A, is in the trenches currently, so life is not so easy for her - working too many hours at a prison. She is somehow giving excellent care in a crazy setting, and keeping good boundaries in the land of "what's a boundary?" Oh, and her schedule with college is all goofy, due to a local AZ hospital chain that used to rhyme with Bavaritan having suddenly cancelled or changed clinical rotations for more than one mursing program in the valley. Everyone is unsure if they will be able to progress and graduate on time. And her program has been doubling up on weekly classes, just to add even more stress. But she perseveres. An amazing woman.
My son, E. Well, he is having a great time in Flagstaff. Lots of good friends. He has not been, uh, burdened with the internal drive to get good grades and all right now. But the man is 19. Better to figure out who one really than to do work that you hate. Plus, he is not having to support anybody but himself now. I do get to see him next week for a visit up to the great northwest. I am so psyched!
And my son-in-law's band stayed with us last weekend - had a tour that led them through Portland. I had not heard them in 6 months. They were really well recieved here, and they earned it. It is wild how their musicianship, both individually and as a group, continues to grow. Usually bands either don't stay together long enpough to gel, or they stop growing musically, or both. I am darn proud of those guys. And so glad that got rid of their first drummer (me).
Monday, April 4, 2011
Springtime without sunshine?
It has beeen the cloudiest, rainiest, coolest March on record. But still beautiful. Flowers, flowering bushes, flowering trees - as a dear friend of mine said years ago in Connecticut - "it's rather garish." I LOVE IT!
And with late March came our 30th anniversary, and my 55th birthday - same day. At the wedding, my mom softly sang to me: "she turned 25 in prison doin' life without parole..." But God has given us over 30 years to bounce off each other, break off the sharp edges, learn to show grace, and to love each other B. is much better at this than me. I am so spoiled. What a wonderful gift!
Oh, and particularly given the medical stuff, making it to 55 years of age is now a cause to celebrate - and I don't mean just the senior discount at Denny's.
Life right now is this weird mix of wanting to live every minute fully, and wanting to take a nap - the chemo started again, and the neulasta, which repleshes white blood cells so I don't get horrible infections, is kicking me in the behind... and my stomach, and my muscles. Only lasted 1/2 of yoga class. But the CEA (carcinoembrionic antigen - a tumor marker) went way down. YES!
Taking two classes about the Chrisian faith currently - for college credit, so it forces me to take the classes more seriously. One on "the Great Commission" has been a special delight. The professor spent over 25 years in Nigeria, and still goes there often. He lived with the people there, sharing their joys and sorrows, farming with them, having long talks with them, often under a tree, learning to really love the people and understand their culture better than so many. I see the new wave of the past 30 years of church missions as being a real revolution, based on the "native" missionary movement. Learning and respecting people's cultures and lifestyles. Falling in love with people from very different lives. Letting them see God's love in action through one's one life. Letting all people hear, at least once, the gospel, so they can make their own decisions. And supporting new local Christians who choose to build a local, self-sustaining and self-propogating, culturally meaningful church.
Wow, I sound like a radical.
But I cannot help but want to share the good stuff that I have been given. And for me, being a Christian is the very best stuff.
Hope you like the pictures of the trip to the coast for our anniversary.
Gotta go - B just repaired and replaced the parts on the electronic drum set for me - let's see what the neighbors say now!
And with late March came our 30th anniversary, and my 55th birthday - same day. At the wedding, my mom softly sang to me: "she turned 25 in prison doin' life without parole..." But God has given us over 30 years to bounce off each other, break off the sharp edges, learn to show grace, and to love each other B. is much better at this than me. I am so spoiled. What a wonderful gift!
Oh, and particularly given the medical stuff, making it to 55 years of age is now a cause to celebrate - and I don't mean just the senior discount at Denny's.
Life right now is this weird mix of wanting to live every minute fully, and wanting to take a nap - the chemo started again, and the neulasta, which repleshes white blood cells so I don't get horrible infections, is kicking me in the behind... and my stomach, and my muscles. Only lasted 1/2 of yoga class. But the CEA (carcinoembrionic antigen - a tumor marker) went way down. YES!
Taking two classes about the Chrisian faith currently - for college credit, so it forces me to take the classes more seriously. One on "the Great Commission" has been a special delight. The professor spent over 25 years in Nigeria, and still goes there often. He lived with the people there, sharing their joys and sorrows, farming with them, having long talks with them, often under a tree, learning to really love the people and understand their culture better than so many. I see the new wave of the past 30 years of church missions as being a real revolution, based on the "native" missionary movement. Learning and respecting people's cultures and lifestyles. Falling in love with people from very different lives. Letting them see God's love in action through one's one life. Letting all people hear, at least once, the gospel, so they can make their own decisions. And supporting new local Christians who choose to build a local, self-sustaining and self-propogating, culturally meaningful church.
Wow, I sound like a radical.
But I cannot help but want to share the good stuff that I have been given. And for me, being a Christian is the very best stuff.
Hope you like the pictures of the trip to the coast for our anniversary.
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Bald is beautiful?
3 weeks today since surgery. They took out 40% of my liver, and also my gallbladder. Why the gallbladder, I asked. "It was in the way." Just glad that my heart is in the right place.
(This blog was interrupted by the aroma of freshly baked bread, made from wheat that my husband B. ground earlier today, then topped with grape jam that B. made from grapes grown in our backyard this summer. Yes, I am spoiled.)
Ok, back to blogging. Grateful that the healing is going well, grateful that my liver is functioning. I even got out of the hospital 2 days early. They put me in the surgical ICU for 2 nights post, op. My room's window opened to a bus stop about 5 feet away, at the level as my room - not a lot of privacy.
I was treated well. But an ICU is full of weird noises and lights day and night, and with me having 2 iv's, a central line, a second central line by the port implanted in October, nasal cannula for oxygen and a Foley and automatic pressure cuffs on both lower legs, oh, and an arterial line, it was not a relaxed setting. How do people without any medical experience cope with these things? At least I knew the names of all of the lines, so I had the treasured illusion of some control and normalcy. I was not really scared until I woke up with all these attachments. Hydromorphone, take me away!
Now back at home, walking 1-2 miles per day, I am really doing rather well. There is a lot of fatigue - it takes a while for the liver to regenerate. Lots of naps. Mmmm, delicious naps.
Portland's weather is mostly cloudy and rainy, but there was some cold days, with lows in the teens (Fahrenheit) and some snow. But now there are blue jays and robins and daffodils starting to bloom, and trees budding... and no chemo for another 1-2 weeks.
The overriding feeling has been gratefulness. Hope all is well with you, too.
(This blog was interrupted by the aroma of freshly baked bread, made from wheat that my husband B. ground earlier today, then topped with grape jam that B. made from grapes grown in our backyard this summer. Yes, I am spoiled.)
Ok, back to blogging. Grateful that the healing is going well, grateful that my liver is functioning. I even got out of the hospital 2 days early. They put me in the surgical ICU for 2 nights post, op. My room's window opened to a bus stop about 5 feet away, at the level as my room - not a lot of privacy.
I was treated well. But an ICU is full of weird noises and lights day and night, and with me having 2 iv's, a central line, a second central line by the port implanted in October, nasal cannula for oxygen and a Foley and automatic pressure cuffs on both lower legs, oh, and an arterial line, it was not a relaxed setting. How do people without any medical experience cope with these things? At least I knew the names of all of the lines, so I had the treasured illusion of some control and normalcy. I was not really scared until I woke up with all these attachments. Hydromorphone, take me away!
Now back at home, walking 1-2 miles per day, I am really doing rather well. There is a lot of fatigue - it takes a while for the liver to regenerate. Lots of naps. Mmmm, delicious naps.
Portland's weather is mostly cloudy and rainy, but there was some cold days, with lows in the teens (Fahrenheit) and some snow. But now there are blue jays and robins and daffodils starting to bloom, and trees budding... and no chemo for another 1-2 weeks.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Tomorrow is the big day for healing - tonight is for whining about the bowel prep
I have just got to thank you guys for taking the time to read this blog. It has been rather intermittent, and pretty much all Gussie-focused. But you have been gracious about that.
I have been so very blessed by God! Physically strong despite that cancer- I did yoga for an hour today, and walked briskly for over 3 miles, took a midterm in the college class on the second half of the Old Testament. And I absolutely loved that I got to talk to and get texts from so many precious family and friends throughout the day. Thanks!!
The bottom line is that God is in control - what a relief! I am trying to do my part of getting healthy, but I totally trust the Great Physician to take care of me. It feels so nice to be so loved.
I have been so very blessed by God! Physically strong despite that cancer- I did yoga for an hour today, and walked briskly for over 3 miles, took a midterm in the college class on the second half of the Old Testament. And I absolutely loved that I got to talk to and get texts from so many precious family and friends throughout the day. Thanks!!
The bottom line is that God is in control - what a relief! I am trying to do my part of getting healthy, but I totally trust the Great Physician to take care of me. It feels so nice to be so loved.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
6 days to surgery
So today I met with the surgeon and his team, and the pre-op people, and got examined and talked to and got blood work and an ekg... Everyone is all excited about this... well, except me. I am a bit ambivalent. How about it I go to sleep now and wake up in March?
From a medical point of view, it is great to know that there is one resect-able lesion than got smaller with chemo, which puts my CURE rate post op at over 50%. So it is great news. Just find my mind going back to the last major surgery... This time, they told me to expect to wake up in the ICU... have to think about the benefits, about going forward, and how this surgery may allow me to get all the way better.
My husband will be allowed FMLA time off to be there, and my eldest, A, will be here from 2/13-2/16!! So I will have great support.
The days are getting longer - over an hour longer already, compared to late December. When the sun shines, the sky is SO blue! And the bitter cold seems to have moved to the Midwest and the east coast - sorry for you guys! Hope you are all staying inside, sipping coffee or hot chocolate, reading or playing board games... and not having to try to drive to work/school.
Thanks for your prayers and thoughts! God is so gracious, even when we get whiny. Amazing.
Well, I have used up more than my share of ellipses, so.... bye for now!
From a medical point of view, it is great to know that there is one resect-able lesion than got smaller with chemo, which puts my CURE rate post op at over 50%. So it is great news. Just find my mind going back to the last major surgery... This time, they told me to expect to wake up in the ICU... have to think about the benefits, about going forward, and how this surgery may allow me to get all the way better.
My husband will be allowed FMLA time off to be there, and my eldest, A, will be here from 2/13-2/16!! So I will have great support.
The days are getting longer - over an hour longer already, compared to late December. When the sun shines, the sky is SO blue! And the bitter cold seems to have moved to the Midwest and the east coast - sorry for you guys! Hope you are all staying inside, sipping coffee or hot chocolate, reading or playing board games... and not having to try to drive to work/school.
Thanks for your prayers and thoughts! God is so gracious, even when we get whiny. Amazing.
Well, I have used up more than my share of ellipses, so.... bye for now!
Monday, January 17, 2011
Happy 2011!
Long time no blog. I apologize.
Christmas time with the kids here was wonderful beyond words. And intense. and I realized that one's endurance is less when one is getting chemo. I need more rest than I used to...
So my youngest left a few days ago - back to college. I miss them so so much... but I am proud of them all jumping into the world and choosing to really live out their passions.
So it is just Bruce and I here, and he is working 13 hour days... But Bruce spontaneously suggested I adopt a dog after the surgery and maybe after the chemo.... YES!!! Gotta check the local Labrador rescue hotline. which kind of lab this time?
Medically, the next chemo cycle will start about a month after the liver surgery. Liver surgery is scheduled for 2/8/11. Left hepatic resection. Basically cutting out the left side of the liver. It is a bigger deal medically than I expected. (Denial can be a very comfortable place.) I should be in the hospital 5-7 days, and get a second central line in addition to the " port" central line access that I already have for the chemo. And I was told to expect at least a day or 2 in the ICU post op and physical exhaustion post op...
So these next few weeks are about losing some weight, decreasing fat intake and exercising more to optimize liver function. Then after the surgery doing the same as much as possible, so the liver has the chance to regenerate to full capacity.
This is spooky. especially since my brother died of liver failure related to fatty liver and obesity... But I am not him. and I do not look good in orange. and I have not had 4-5 heart attacks by age 55, and I have never had diabetes...
How I do want to be like my brother, is to reflect God's grace and peace through my actions as I go through these next weeks and months of medical stuff. To not be a whiny fussy baby. Although at times, that does sound pretty justifiable.
Hey, there is not only a sunbreak, but a whole bunch of blue sky!! Gotta get out and hike around.. Never waste a good crisis, er, sunbreak!
hope all is well with you -
Gussie
Christmas time with the kids here was wonderful beyond words. And intense. and I realized that one's endurance is less when one is getting chemo. I need more rest than I used to...
So my youngest left a few days ago - back to college. I miss them so so much... but I am proud of them all jumping into the world and choosing to really live out their passions.
So it is just Bruce and I here, and he is working 13 hour days... But Bruce spontaneously suggested I adopt a dog after the surgery and maybe after the chemo.... YES!!! Gotta check the local Labrador rescue hotline. which kind of lab this time?
Medically, the next chemo cycle will start about a month after the liver surgery. Liver surgery is scheduled for 2/8/11. Left hepatic resection. Basically cutting out the left side of the liver. It is a bigger deal medically than I expected. (Denial can be a very comfortable place.) I should be in the hospital 5-7 days, and get a second central line in addition to the " port" central line access that I already have for the chemo. And I was told to expect at least a day or 2 in the ICU post op and physical exhaustion post op...
So these next few weeks are about losing some weight, decreasing fat intake and exercising more to optimize liver function. Then after the surgery doing the same as much as possible, so the liver has the chance to regenerate to full capacity.
This is spooky. especially since my brother died of liver failure related to fatty liver and obesity... But I am not him. and I do not look good in orange. and I have not had 4-5 heart attacks by age 55, and I have never had diabetes...
How I do want to be like my brother, is to reflect God's grace and peace through my actions as I go through these next weeks and months of medical stuff. To not be a whiny fussy baby. Although at times, that does sound pretty justifiable.
Hey, there is not only a sunbreak, but a whole bunch of blue sky!! Gotta get out and hike around.. Never waste a good crisis, er, sunbreak!
hope all is well with you -
Gussie
Saturday, December 18, 2010
Good news anf great fun.
So I got to spend 4 days with my dear aunt and uncle - they drove from San Francisco to Portland just to hang out with us. Wonderful!!
On Thursday, they returned to the bay area, Then the CT scan was done, then Thursday evening my 2 youngest kids, and 2 of their friends all flew to Portland. Bliss!!
Friday - yesterday, the kids saw the infusion room, and they felt a lot better about where and how I was getting treatment. Friendly, efficient, compassionate nurses with a sense of humor. Bright, big windows, with an awesome view of sun setting on a snow covered Mt. Hood, with that delicate pink color of this time of day and this time of light.
Oh, and the CT scan showed NO new lesions, and a 25% or so decrease in volume of the liver mass. Looking like two more rounds of chemo, then maybe liver surgery in late January. Very very good news.
My eldest kiddo is gonna be here 12/27, so everyone but her hubbie, D, will here be together. Wish he could come, but I understand he has got other family members that need his presence this season.
Hope you are all enjoying this holiday season - I am being so blessed, it is ridiculous. God remains steadfastly in love with us. As I am learning, it is the presence, not the presents of loved ones that brings the joy.
On Thursday, they returned to the bay area, Then the CT scan was done, then Thursday evening my 2 youngest kids, and 2 of their friends all flew to Portland. Bliss!!
Friday - yesterday, the kids saw the infusion room, and they felt a lot better about where and how I was getting treatment. Friendly, efficient, compassionate nurses with a sense of humor. Bright, big windows, with an awesome view of sun setting on a snow covered Mt. Hood, with that delicate pink color of this time of day and this time of light.
Oh, and the CT scan showed NO new lesions, and a 25% or so decrease in volume of the liver mass. Looking like two more rounds of chemo, then maybe liver surgery in late January. Very very good news.
My eldest kiddo is gonna be here 12/27, so everyone but her hubbie, D, will here be together. Wish he could come, but I understand he has got other family members that need his presence this season.
Hope you are all enjoying this holiday season - I am being so blessed, it is ridiculous. God remains steadfastly in love with us. As I am learning, it is the presence, not the presents of loved ones that brings the joy.
Monday, December 13, 2010
Finally back to writing
Hello:
The last 3 weeks have been more challenging than in the past. I am finishing up the 4th round of chemo, then Thursday a CT of most of my body, then more chemo starting Friday. and maybe a decision about whether i need surgery for the liver mass.
The frustrating change was adding neulasta - which increases the kind of white blood cells that fight bacterial infections - it retails for $6000.00 per shot, every two weeks. Whew! And it makes me really tired and crabby and feeling like I have a bacterial infection for about 5-10 days....
But another thing that is interesting. There is like NO sunlight here most of December - they call any sightings "sun breaks" - and I was getting pretty disheartened. So I tried a therapeutic light for seasonal affective disorder. Not only did my mood improve, but so did energy, and the neurocognitive testing, the results of which had been low and stable over 3 weeks, shot up by 10 points the first day, 15 points the first week of light therapy. (So if I use this daily for 5 weeks, I'll be smart?) Gotta see if there is any cognitive data for using light therapy.
Went to Yoga today, and realized that there is ototoxicity from at least one of the meds. The teacher, who has a wonderful British accent, kept telling us to roll up in a fecal ball to stretch. Sounds gross to me, but I am new to yoga. Finally I asked her - she mean "fetal ball" all this time.
Hope your are having a great time this holiday season. And taking time to give yourself and those you love your presence, not just presents.
The last 3 weeks have been more challenging than in the past. I am finishing up the 4th round of chemo, then Thursday a CT of most of my body, then more chemo starting Friday. and maybe a decision about whether i need surgery for the liver mass.
The frustrating change was adding neulasta - which increases the kind of white blood cells that fight bacterial infections - it retails for $6000.00 per shot, every two weeks. Whew! And it makes me really tired and crabby and feeling like I have a bacterial infection for about 5-10 days....
But another thing that is interesting. There is like NO sunlight here most of December - they call any sightings "sun breaks" - and I was getting pretty disheartened. So I tried a therapeutic light for seasonal affective disorder. Not only did my mood improve, but so did energy, and the neurocognitive testing, the results of which had been low and stable over 3 weeks, shot up by 10 points the first day, 15 points the first week of light therapy. (So if I use this daily for 5 weeks, I'll be smart?) Gotta see if there is any cognitive data for using light therapy.
Went to Yoga today, and realized that there is ototoxicity from at least one of the meds. The teacher, who has a wonderful British accent, kept telling us to roll up in a fecal ball to stretch. Sounds gross to me, but I am new to yoga. Finally I asked her - she mean "fetal ball" all this time.
Hope your are having a great time this holiday season. And taking time to give yourself and those you love your presence, not just presents.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Chemo in the rainforest
The chemo cycle continues. Trying to live life deliberately and "normally" in the context of the abrupt leaving the practice, selling the house, moving far from 2 of my kids, changing from doctor to patient role, ... it's been kinda weird.
But so much support from other people!! visiting and emailingt and facebooking and praying... THANK YOU!
So to add some normalcy, I made the traditional cookies for the kids and my brother and mailed them off. Strange even having to make friends with a new oven - cookies can be persnickety.
Anyway, after my daughter A visited and sampled them, I felt like Martha Stewart, but without a rap sheet.
Cognitive issues remain frustrating, but my doc here is interested in a research proposal I wrote up. To get neurocognitive measures throughout the chemo cycles, then see what the effects of interventions such as continuing oral calcium. An IV bolus is given just before the oxalliplatin to minimize peripheral neuropathy, but there does not seem to be anything in the literature about the cognitive effects of the chemotherapeutic agents for gastrointestinal cancers.
Anyway, I am doing a computer based test battery on myself every few days, and also doing a new york times sunday puzzle each morining - limit 45 minutes, no using the internet, oh, and a daily sudoku - timed. All I need is to add Tetris to get a measure of visuospacial effects.
But so much support from other people!! visiting and emailingt and facebooking and praying... THANK YOU!
So to add some normalcy, I made the traditional cookies for the kids and my brother and mailed them off. Strange even having to make friends with a new oven - cookies can be persnickety.
Anyway, after my daughter A visited and sampled them, I felt like Martha Stewart, but without a rap sheet.
Cognitive issues remain frustrating, but my doc here is interested in a research proposal I wrote up. To get neurocognitive measures throughout the chemo cycles, then see what the effects of interventions such as continuing oral calcium. An IV bolus is given just before the oxalliplatin to minimize peripheral neuropathy, but there does not seem to be anything in the literature about the cognitive effects of the chemotherapeutic agents for gastrointestinal cancers.
Anyway, I am doing a computer based test battery on myself every few days, and also doing a new york times sunday puzzle each morining - limit 45 minutes, no using the internet, oh, and a daily sudoku - timed. All I need is to add Tetris to get a measure of visuospacial effects.
Friday, November 12, 2010
Health and healing
Sorry about not posting in so long. Some side effects from chemo, and some laziness, and mostly missing A and D (not the ointment, the kids.)
I have started doing yoga. Great teacher, 3 days a week at the gym. It is so different from my previous approach to exercising - you know, attack the activity, pummel your body, it has got to hurt to build strength. This yoga stuff is slow and controlled. I kept waiting for the "real" exercise to begin. But it IS a workout.
So as I was leaving the gym today, I realized that my long term relationship with my own body has been pretty cold. Maybe abusive. Ignoring needs like sleep. Stuffing down lots of sodas and other caffeine to stay awake. Then stuffing myself with way too much junk food to stuff down any feelings that might try to slip out. Trying to be invisible to myself. Be a human doing, not a human being.
Since I got sick in September, I have been changing this. With some tremendous help from my sister C, get this - I am eating healthy, and sleeping at night, resting when I am tired, trying to respect my body as a gift from God, rather than a shameful burden.
Consequently, now while getting chemo, this is the best I have felt in years.
I have started doing yoga. Great teacher, 3 days a week at the gym. It is so different from my previous approach to exercising - you know, attack the activity, pummel your body, it has got to hurt to build strength. This yoga stuff is slow and controlled. I kept waiting for the "real" exercise to begin. But it IS a workout.
So as I was leaving the gym today, I realized that my long term relationship with my own body has been pretty cold. Maybe abusive. Ignoring needs like sleep. Stuffing down lots of sodas and other caffeine to stay awake. Then stuffing myself with way too much junk food to stuff down any feelings that might try to slip out. Trying to be invisible to myself. Be a human doing, not a human being.
Since I got sick in September, I have been changing this. With some tremendous help from my sister C, get this - I am eating healthy, and sleeping at night, resting when I am tired, trying to respect my body as a gift from God, rather than a shameful burden.
Consequently, now while getting chemo, this is the best I have felt in years.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
2/3 of the family is together!!!
It has been so sweet to have A and D here. all we need are E and L with us. God willing, that will be at Christmas. A and d are at the store right - so i have a few minutes to type.
Wait - I can make some FLAs of the kids (four leter acronyms) - LEAD or DALE or DEAL or...
So it's day two of second cycle of chemo.
The acute neurotoxicity is worse this time around - sharp needle like pains in fingers and toes with and cold or with touch, and who knows what it is doing to my mental status. So typing is an electrifying experience today.
So back to the story of how I got here, part 2:
So with a week's notice from diagnosis of colon cancer to diagnosis of uterine cancer to a colon resection last year, with seeing patients during that week, wrapping up loose ends at work, helping my family and friends deal with whatever may come, I could safely be in denial myself.
And family and friends WERE so there for me. I will never forget the may kind acts from you all during that time. Like S and K at the office jumping in above and beyond the call of duty, keeping things going office wise - they were great to me and kind and professional with my patients.
In the hospital my niece came in during an abdominal dressing change. She saw the incision - an upside down question mark, the bottome looped arund my belly button. around my belly button. She said "a question mark - she's the Mysterious Doctor! No, it is upside down - La Doctora Mysteriosa!"
4 weeks later I was able to go back to full time work, and grateful for this. But then 2 weeks later, a robotic radical hystrectomy. Then back to work after 2 weeks. In both cases - all the lymph nodes were negative -over 30 of 'em total. And no evidence of metastasis. So losing weight and exercising had a better prognosis for preventing recurrence than chemo or radiation.
Oh, the kids are back - and i don't want to miss any any time with them. Bye.
Wait - I can make some FLAs of the kids (four leter acronyms) - LEAD or DALE or DEAL or...
So it's day two of second cycle of chemo.
The acute neurotoxicity is worse this time around - sharp needle like pains in fingers and toes with and cold or with touch, and who knows what it is doing to my mental status. So typing is an electrifying experience today.
So back to the story of how I got here, part 2:
So with a week's notice from diagnosis of colon cancer to diagnosis of uterine cancer to a colon resection last year, with seeing patients during that week, wrapping up loose ends at work, helping my family and friends deal with whatever may come, I could safely be in denial myself.
And family and friends WERE so there for me. I will never forget the may kind acts from you all during that time. Like S and K at the office jumping in above and beyond the call of duty, keeping things going office wise - they were great to me and kind and professional with my patients.
In the hospital my niece came in during an abdominal dressing change. She saw the incision - an upside down question mark, the bottome looped arund my belly button. around my belly button. She said "a question mark - she's the Mysterious Doctor! No, it is upside down - La Doctora Mysteriosa!"
4 weeks later I was able to go back to full time work, and grateful for this. But then 2 weeks later, a robotic radical hystrectomy. Then back to work after 2 weeks. In both cases - all the lymph nodes were negative -over 30 of 'em total. And no evidence of metastasis. So losing weight and exercising had a better prognosis for preventing recurrence than chemo or radiation.
Oh, the kids are back - and i don't want to miss any any time with them. Bye.
Friday, November 5, 2010
Round 2 of Chemo
Back at the 7th floor - great view from the chemo unit - the view is nice, the clinical staff are friendly and professional yet relaxed.
The first week after chemo was not too bad, and this past week was wonderful - brilliant fall colors, and actual blue sky most days, perfect biking weather. And the most very wonderful thing is that my daughter A and my soninlaw D are visiting. I don't know the etiquette related to using their full names in a blog, but most of you know them already, and know that they are wonderful.
So 2 weeks ago, after the first chemo, we went to the library. I asked the woman at the desk if they had "Newcomer's guide to Portland" - she checked the computer, then said "No, but we do have "Newcomer's Guide to the Afterlife."" Bruce pointed to the chemo pump at my side and said "this is her first day of chemo." Silence. Then stammering. So I told her about the blonde who came into the library..."
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
too beautiful today to whine
I should continue the history of how I got here, but it is just too hauntingly beautiful today - cool - 60-70 degrees (that's Fahrenheit, Lisa), foggy, the colors of the leaves are like somebody over brightened the technicolor... perfect! Toto, we're not in Chandler any more...
Today's medical status - day 11 of the 14 day chemo cycle.
OK, so the treatment plan is this. 3 or 4 14-day cycles of 3 days infusion, followed by 11 days of allowing the chemo to do its thing. Then if the liver lesion shrinks, i get surgery to remove it totally, then 3-4 more cycles...
Chemo, at least for me currently, is really not as bad as it used to be. In the olden days, you know, like the 1980's, when I was a med student and resident, it was hellish. Days of painful iv infiltrations and destroyed veins, nausea, becoming a human barf-atron, horrible gut pain, profound fatigue. Thanks to Emend (great name, you know, like emesis-end) and ativan and Oxycodone and dexamethsone, etc, and the invention of an implanted port in my chest wall that leads to my superior vena cava - none of these problems. And I have been exercising daily. Doc told me to.
The main thing I have experienced are some mood issues from the dexamethasone those first days. luckily I never have had mood problems before. Oh, and ...what is it.... uh...cognitive issues. Word finding difficulty, unable to stay on a task to save my, oh look out the window! no longer the paragon of multitasking.
Changed colors of the blog page - the black was meant to be sophisticated, but it looked too depressing, too "she looks so life-like" kinda thing.
The main feeling I have is one of grace, of feeling very loved and protected. By God, by family, by friends. It is so so nice.
Today's medical status - day 11 of the 14 day chemo cycle.
OK, so the treatment plan is this. 3 or 4 14-day cycles of 3 days infusion, followed by 11 days of allowing the chemo to do its thing. Then if the liver lesion shrinks, i get surgery to remove it totally, then 3-4 more cycles...
Chemo, at least for me currently, is really not as bad as it used to be. In the olden days, you know, like the 1980's, when I was a med student and resident, it was hellish. Days of painful iv infiltrations and destroyed veins, nausea, becoming a human barf-atron, horrible gut pain, profound fatigue. Thanks to Emend (great name, you know, like emesis-end) and ativan and Oxycodone and dexamethsone, etc, and the invention of an implanted port in my chest wall that leads to my superior vena cava - none of these problems. And I have been exercising daily. Doc told me to.
The main thing I have experienced are some mood issues from the dexamethasone those first days. luckily I never have had mood problems before. Oh, and ...what is it.... uh...cognitive issues. Word finding difficulty, unable to stay on a task to save my, oh look out the window! no longer the paragon of multitasking.
Changed colors of the blog page - the black was meant to be sophisticated, but it looked too depressing, too "she looks so life-like" kinda thing.
The main feeling I have is one of grace, of feeling very loved and protected. By God, by family, by friends. It is so so nice.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Why the blog?
I was asked to write about my life since the onset of colon cancer. So...
Summer 2008 - exhausted, worried for my oldest brother CE - who spent most of that summer in the hospital in AZ. Working too many hours. Loving my work, but missing too much time with my own family, and trying to be there for CE at the hospital, help run interference for creditors and doctors and help him negotiate the maze of medical land.
New heart murmur. Cardiac workup normal. It must be the stress.
My brother died on 8/31/08. It must be the grief.
My mom died 12/27/08. It must be the grief.
April 09 - heart pounding walking up the stairs - even more exhausted. Cannot even hike to the start of the trail head of Piestewa Peak. Cannot imagine living another year like this, I tell my husband.
Dr. Lucas checked labs - hemoglobin was 6.2. Not good. At all. Should be twice that much.
May 18, 09 - diagnosed with colon cancer. May 26 - diagnosed uterine cancer, too.
Summer 2008 - exhausted, worried for my oldest brother CE - who spent most of that summer in the hospital in AZ. Working too many hours. Loving my work, but missing too much time with my own family, and trying to be there for CE at the hospital, help run interference for creditors and doctors and help him negotiate the maze of medical land.
New heart murmur. Cardiac workup normal. It must be the stress.
My brother died on 8/31/08. It must be the grief.
My mom died 12/27/08. It must be the grief.
April 09 - heart pounding walking up the stairs - even more exhausted. Cannot even hike to the start of the trail head of Piestewa Peak. Cannot imagine living another year like this, I tell my husband.
Dr. Lucas checked labs - hemoglobin was 6.2. Not good. At all. Should be twice that much.
May 18, 09 - diagnosed with colon cancer. May 26 - diagnosed uterine cancer, too.
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